i don't like sucking hair
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
