I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
