eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
