I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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