I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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