she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize