why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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