i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
