On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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