OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
