ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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