For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
