So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
