Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
