dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
