My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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