Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
