I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
