what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
