...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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