Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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