There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
