you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
