wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
