do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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