The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
