Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
