just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
