I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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