just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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