just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
