I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
