bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
