i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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