i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
