Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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