I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
