Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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