Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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