thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
