I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sext me about skeletons
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
