Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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