I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
