Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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