pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
