I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
