i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
