Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Someone came in the potted fern
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize