it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
