Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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