I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
