my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
