I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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