You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
