actually, I'm a sock model
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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