it's like iHOP with fire
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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