Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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