Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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