This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
