I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
