I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
