Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
