Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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