i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
