That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
