im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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