Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize