he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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