I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize