So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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