is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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