why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
