Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
