You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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